A little over a week ago, I told my doctor that I was turning 40 on the 2nd. She looked at me confused.

“That’s not right, is it?” she asked.

“My birthday is on the second.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were only 38, ” she replied.

“Oh… that’s right! 40 comes next year.”

I have a tendency to skip ahead. To look toward what’s next. To miss what is right in front of my face.

I don’t want to skip over this year, this day, this moment. I don’t want to miss today’s beauty or aches. I want to sink myself into Now. To be fully Here. Who I am. Where I am standing. Today it’s with a stuffy nose and happy heart.

I want to be thankful for moments like dancing with my daughter before preschool. Thankful for waking up with a song pulsing in my veins–even if it was Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.”

Thankful for waking up with a deep-down gladness.

I know that the world is full of tremendous hurt and scary things, but I am going to let this glad, happiness have its turn in me. I will let this bright, brilliant January sky warm up my soul. I will invite the light in. Welcome it. And then send it on its way. Praying that it will find its way to those who are finding themselves in those grey places today. I’ll be there again, needing to catch the light.

I want to sink into what is. (Even if just for a moment.) Not looking at what should be, could be.

There is a time for change, for shedding, loosening, and letting go. There is a time for walking away and for hoping for what lays ahead. But there is also a time to Just Be. Now. Who I am. Where I am.

Here. Where my feet are.

I want to be thankful for this moment.
Awake to this moment.
The one that I find myself in the midst of
with a hot mug of honey water,
the clock tick-tocking,
the sun bright on the white snow,
the sky brilliant and cloudless,
toys strewn on the floor.
This is my moment,
and I am awake in it.

_Just be exactly where you are

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5 thoughts on “I want to sink into what is

  1. Wow! I just turned 39 on the 2nd and my youngest daughter will be 4 in February. I can’t tell you how much I can relate to what you’re saying. It’s as if something has clicked for me and I’m in this new place of complete realization that I GET to live. And, I’m enjoying it…not taking everything so seriously. And, rather than dreading the 40’s as I have for the last 5 years, I’m beginning to think this is when we truly start living. Here’s to just being 🙂

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  2. Oh, I hear you. I tend to get so far ahead of myself that I forget where (and when) I am. I remember back when I turned 30 and people asked if I was stressed about hitting an age milestone…hadn’t even occurred to me that I should be because I thought I was already 32. 😉 Learning to be more present right where I am. Love the image of sinking into what is instead of always looking elsewhere to what should be or could be.

    Liked by 1 person

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